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We usually have a drink every weekend and I often fall into a deep drink induced sleep. But I began waking in the morning feeling sore down below. I had the feeling that I had had sex but did not remember - I would ask my husband if we had sex the night before and he would say no.

This continued every time I fell asleep after a drink and I could not work out why. One night just out of curiosity I went to bed first as normal but decided to pretend to be in a deep sleep I made sure I did not have a lot to drink to see if anything was going on.

My husband came to bed and within 15 minutes just as I was drifting off he started to touch me, and went on to have sex with me.

The next day I asked my husband if we had sex, and he said no! I was disgusted and felt violated and had to face him about it in a way he could not deny it.

So I waited until next time pretended I was asleep again - but this time half way through I just pretended to wake and asked him what he was doing.

He came up with every excuse under the sun other than admit to what he was doing. He was distraught and said he would cut his hands off before touching me without my consent in that way again.

I was very upset that he was getting off on this kind of sex preferring that to the loving intimate adventurous sex life I was trying to get back.

He promised it would not happen again. Now I cannot relax and feel I daren't have a drink in case he does those things and I get that horrible sinking feeling again the next morning.

As I see it he would rather jump all over me and enjoys the fact that it is without my consent or involvement. Our sex life, or lack of it, really is not a problem but what he did when I was in a deep sleep does.

I cannot fathom out why he says he has such a hang up about sex, but can have sex with me when I am asleep.

Please help this resentment is destroying my respect for him and I feel raped and violated and have told him so.

I feel I cannot confront him again about this. I got nowhere last time. He gave me empty promises saying he would never do it again.

Does it make me just as bad because I am aware it is happening and have not confronted him about it this time? Argos AO. He touches me while I sleep I have been married for 5 years.

Our sex life was very lusty and fulfilling when we first met - but it soon settled down to having sex once a month after a drink.

We usually have a drink every weekend and I often fall into a deep drink induced sleep But I began waking in the morning feeling sore down below.

Am I consenting in a way? Needless to say, she had been very abusive physically and verbally toward all of us for a few years, but I never assumed anything sexual was going on--especially toward the children.

After he told me about her and her new boyfriend, I confronted her one morning as she arrived home drunken, and made sure to video tape her confession.

She openly discussed what she had done and how many times she had cheated, and then passed out on the sofa. I knew then the relationship was over and filed for divorce the following day--the physical abuse had gotten so ugly, her infidelity was almost a relief and a way to get my kids out of that mess.

Once the kids knew the divorce had taken place and she was out of the home, they started confessing things to me. My son admitted that she had taken him to a pool party, and that one of the individuals there a nasty girl in her mid 20's , started taking her clothes off and a guy started doing things to her in front of the children present.

He said he tried to get out of the pool, and the girl grabbed him and did some inappropriate things on him as well, and my ex-wife just laughed at him while he struggled.

His change in behavior certainly made much more sense after he explained the details. I went to the police and to child services, and got the same story: Nothing I can do without proof, and I did not know anything about that woman but her first name.

Apparently his behavior changes were not enough to pursue a case against either of the culprits. My son has suffered major psychological issues since then, and it has been a struggle to get him to focus on anything successfully--especially school work.

I got full custody of the children, and the dead-beat mother hasn't bothered paying child support, or visiting the children more than once a year She visited the children in April this year first time in just over a year , and for the first time wanted to keep them for more than a few hours--overnight, actually.

When they kids came home, they were awful and rebellious. They started mistreating my fiancee and disobeying anything told to them. Additionally, the seemed really hurt, and crying a lot more than normal.

Finally, I took some time and tried to get into their heads by way of open discussion, one at a time. As it turns out, they said she forced them to watch pornography on her cell phone, and a bad movie on the cable at the hotel, and they were very discriptive in the details.

There seemed to be more bothering them, but I could not get it out. Nonetheless, I went to child services and asked for advice.

They told me that unless the mother was obtaining some form of sexual gratification while showing them the sex videos, then there is nothing they can do.

I am seriously made to feel helpless with this type of abuse going on. The only option they said I had was notifying her in writing that she must participate in supervised visitation at a designated building.

My son seemed to have gotten over that incident, but issues continued to grow out of my daughter significantly, and in turn she obtained a urinary tract infection right after her visit with her mother--which really struck me as odd for an 8 yr old girl.

One night, I get some time alone with my daughter after work, and she started crying on my shoulder and said there were some things she needed to tell me.

She stated that her mother had her in the hotel, and was in a hurry to get a shower, and barged into the bathroom where my daughter was and told her to get out.

My daughter said she had just gotten in and needed to finish bathing, then her mother forcibly grabbed and obtained control by shoving her finger inside the vagina of my daughter, and using that as her means to keep her from struggling as she rinsed her off and yanked her out of the bathtub.

My daughter confessed that she bled after the incident and then got that infection--she said the finger was inside for almost a full minute. She didn't want to get her mother in trouble, and she didn't want her mother to go to jail over it, so that is why she hasn't said anything until now.

She said she couldn't deal with holding it in any longer, and had to tell me. I tried everything to comfort her, just like I had to do for my son some years ago.

Problem is, I am not sure how to handle this now. Rather than abuse, I would almost say that the event is sexual assault, and my daughter has now waited months to tell me about it.

I have asked others for opinions and advice, and they keep saying to keep child services out of it because they will just blame everyone and take the children, and the ex-wife can just make up lies in retalation.

Additionally, they are saying that the tests Child Services will perform on my child will be significanlty more traumatizing than simply letting it go.

My argument is I do not want my daughter growing up and saying I did nothing about it, or some other children including the two she has with her new husband being abused by her in similar or worse ways because she was allowed to get away with it.

I cannot live with that on my conscience. My daughter and son needs help, and at this point, we are made to believe that the resources we have available to help us will do more harm than good.

I went to the police, and they said to talk to Child Services. I am hesitating speaking with CS on Monday because everyone seems to think that she will retaliate and make false claims after I turn her in, and it might risk me losing the children altogether and them being placed in foster care or such.

I thought Child Services was there to help us, not make matters worse? What am I supposed to do? This woman cannot be allowed to treat children this way, and I certainly do not want to make things worse or more traumatic for my kids than they are already.

I come to you as a father with a broken heart who does not want to get stampeded by the system for taking a stand against this female pedophile.

Your advices are much appreciated. She is going to abuse them, most likely every time she sees them. So do not allow her to be around them anymore.

You wrote that you got full custody of the children - use it! There is nothing at all in the world that could possibly make it worth letting her have access to the children at all, ever.

If they want to see her, they can wait until they are adult age. If you haven't already, take your daughter to the doctor and get her treated for the UTI.

Two reasons - firstly, an untreated UTI can become kidney disease, secondly, there will be the starts of a paper trail should an investigation be opened.

It shows that you took care of your daughter's health needs, and that somehow an 8yo girl got a UTI. Get both children and possibly yourself into individual therapy.

As long as they no longer see their mother, the therapist can't report to CPS I believe they have to report when the child is in danger of harm, and can't if there is no harm happening.

Write down everything you can remember about the contact your ex-wife has had with the children, including the date, what type of contact phone, face to face, at your house or hers, etc and any details you can remember.

Write down the dates that your children confided in you regarding the abuse, and the basics of what they said. If you can't remember the exact dates, at least try to narrow down the year and month when you can.

Everything you can remember, write it down. It can be used should this be reported to the police. Also write down the times you went to the police and CS, and what they said - it sounds like a load of BS to me that there's nothing they can do.

Try talking to CS again and see what they say. If, once again, they say there's nothing they can do, write that down.

Perhaps warn her husband that she was abusive to you and the children when you were married to her, and that she may sexually abuse his children, too.

Just BTW - she may not be a pedophile, she may simply be an abuser or molester. Sorry for the huge reply, I tend to get a little rambly at times!

What your children need from you is protection and safety. If all you can do is stop their mother from seeing them and get them therapy, then you've done that.

I agree, please firstly keep her away from your children. No contact centre, nothing. She is clearly dangerous and has put them through an awful lot.

Get it on record your daughter had a UTI aged 8 as this will ring alarm bells with Drs. It is highly unusual for this to happen unless there is kidney disease or abuse is happening.

Getting them both into therapy is also a good idea. This is what they need to work through what has happened to them. As for CS the fact you have full custody should be an indication of who is the responsible party here but do be prepared for her to say it was you who abused them, not her.

If she does hopefully the children will be able to refute this tho I agree it is a risk. I believe therapy is initially the best option.

It is good you have had contact with professionals to try to report this as this will also be documented should you want to pursue the CS route.

Good luck and please keep posting to let us know how you are. This is because we expect our primary caregivers - our parents - to show us how life works, how to love, how to feel, how to be and what is right.

As a survivor of maternal sexual abuse myself, I am urging you to keep your children away from your former wife.

It is possible that she suffers from a personality disorder such as Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder.

The reason I suggest this is because any mother in the normal range of behaviour would never expose their children to what she has and would never do what she has done.

Your children's safety is paramount. You seem to be an intelligent parent concerned for their welfare so I would echo the sentiments of previous responses and avoid contact with her any further.

I understand you may want them to have a relationship with their mother but do not succumb to society's reluctance to call a mother a bad one.

She is - that's the reality. When they are older you can explain to them why you needed to protect them and how.

Counselling is a good idea now, however the most important thing you can do for them is to provide them with good parenting, appropriate authoritative discipline, love, commitment and security.

You are their world and when they understand why you made this decision they will respect and love you for it. The biggest mistake in this kind of situation is to allow any exposure to her toxic world as they will ask you why you allowed it when they grow older.

Do NOT be an enabling parent. They are often the worst perceived later in life: "Why did other parent not protect me? You three together are the unit now.

Protect it and nurture as you have done. Withdraw from their mother - she is of no benefit to any of you. I wish you three well into the future.

Last edited by salted lipstick on Thu Aug 16, am, edited 1 time in total. Reason: removed personally identifying information.

Does anyone know this is illegal and the fastest way to provide the mother with a valid reason to take full custody and deny paternal visitation?

In most states, with or without a legal custody agreement, both parents are considered entitled to visit their children unless a Judge has deemed one of them unfit and that rarely happens, especially with a mother.

Judges force children to visit serial killer parents and pedophiles who molested them.

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